working angry

You know, when it's 7:30 on a Friday I'm pissed. I've been on my feet for seven or eight hours by that point, and there's three or four more to go. I'm pissed. I'm not itchin' for a fight. I don't even really dislike anyone. I'm just pissed off, and every order that comes in pisses me off more. Not because I hate cooking or I hate the food I'm making (if either where the case I'd be doing something else). Perhaps it is a purely male, testosterone laden perspective, but it's like a competition. The Customers, the tickets, myself more specifically, are my opponents and in order for me to win I have to put out everything perfectly and timely. Now most of the time it's not like I'm seething with anger and cursing the old couple on table 10. I do cook with joy. But when the tickets start coming, you dig in, cook your ass off and fight to stay on top of everything. You focus, stay under control, and let the adrenaline flow. Staying in control is the key to everything. Maintain focus, maintain timing, maintain quality. It is at the most stressful times that the anger comes out. It is a competitive anger not a directed anger. It is an internal anger. One that will kick my own ass if I let down and don't do something right. Sure I'll get pissed if some dumbass comes in looking for ranch dressing, tartar sauce and a well done steak, but that's more just annoyance. Intensity and anger can be inseperable. People talk about professional athletes playing with passion, playing with fire. It looks like there pissed to me. We admire them. We admire their competitiveness. There is no difference. When one pushes oneself to perform at a high level that focus and intesnity easily manifests as anger. Now don't get me wrong there are those misguided dicks online that are just poorly adjusted assholes pissed at the world, unable to seperate their own self loathing from their hatred of humanity. But then again we get all sorts in the kitchen. Regardless everyone in a kitchen gets pissed. The get angry, they get focused and most of the time they do there job.