Ok, so where to now?

New year. Finally getting some much needed schedule relief. I'll actually be getting two days off a week. Granted they aren't going to be next to each other, but I ain't complaining, yet. It'll be a little hit to the pocketbook, but that's familiar territory. I'm pretty streamlined and will still be working enough to curb any extracurricular spending. Tentatively going to Piedmont at the end of the summer. Will need to save for that, but will be well worth it. First trip to Europe. First real exposure to the Old World. Hopefully make the necessary arrangements for an apprenticeship in 2008. Despite all of those short term goals there is still the big question for the future. Exactly what the fuck am I doing? Will I be an Italian chef for the rest of my life? Will I be an owner? Small properties? Will I get sick of it all and start selling wine? Still not sure. I know I'm on a path. A path I enjoy, doing something I enjoy. I am myself, and I'm pretty sure that I'm pretty good at what I do. I've still only been at this for five years and the results I expect from myself are higher than my experience level. Regardless I still get hit with the fear sometime. Is this just a youthful pursuit? Am I going to be were I want to be when I'm forty? When my knees and back start to go, am I still going to be working on the line? What happens if I get sick? I have chosen a path that is fully enjoyable now, could be highly rewarding in the future, but is strewn with financial and logistical obstacles. Which always leads to the question "Why does anyone in their right mind do this?" Are we all crazy? Are we all egotists that think we are the ones that will survive? At this point it is a point of pride. A challenge. I don't want to give up. If I quit this I am giving up on my ability to do anything unique, or special. It is an ego driven pursuit. Powered by pride and competitiveness. And it's all spawned from the fact that I love food, real food. I believe in food and the philosophy that true food comes from. There is a sick sort of righteousness, a belief, a religion to what I see myself doing. Killer, now I'm harboring messianic delusions. It is simply that I believe that food should be good. Food should be created by those who believe in making good food end of story. Not those who are looking to trademark, or brand, or those passing themselves off as 'artists' or 'rock-stars'. Just food. I just want to make food.